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PostPosted: Oct 10th, '07, 03:44 
BY NICHOLAS McKENZY
DRAWINGS BY MR. WIGGLES

Chapter 1: What is a lich?
Now a LICH, is a skeletal person with magical powers. Now
you may ask: "How can I tell the difference between a zombie
and a lich?" Well billy, that's an excellent question. To better answer this question
Mr. Wiggles has expertly constructed a gnomish comparing chart.

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Chapter 2: Why liches hate you

Now to be more understanding, compassionate, undead hating people, we must see (un)life from the liches point of view. Now if I lost my willy a most murderous rampage would soon follow, yes. Secondly, anyone would be consumed with hate if their heads were detachable. Now a LICH head has no brains, no eyeballs, no nothing, which means -IF- detached one could simply take a crap inside.
Now if someone could rip off your head and take a crap inside, you would try to kill as many people as possible too. Thirdly, having no organs,flesh,muscle,hair, etc often forces those who embrace lichdom to dress in womens clothing. Fourthly, the lich must live in constant fear of the following: Paladins, hungry dogs, being buried, and snakes.

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Chapter 3: How to become a Lich

How can I become a lich you say!? Why that's easy! All you need are the following Ingredients
1 Rooster
1 Innocent Victim
1 Rusty Knife
1 Sack of potatoes
1 Goat Figurine

Alright! First of all you will need to find the closest wheat field you can find and fall asleep. Your rooster will then wake you up at the crack of dawn where you then must march into the exact center of the field. Once there you must then stab your victim whilst swinging the potato sack over your head in rotation at least fifteen times. Once you have completed this most ancient ritual you will then die. but fear not! There is a 25% chance your soul will then magically fly INTO the goat figurine, binding your unlife forever. Now you must take -extra- special care to hide this magical goat someplace safe where nobody will find and smash it (because everyone hates goats). Note: Hins, gnomes and women are unable to perform this ritual lacking the necessary strength to swing the pre-mentioned potatoes.

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Chapter 4: Delicious Stew

Ingredients

4 Cloves of garlic
2 Peppers
3 Onions
1 1/2 pounds of meat
6 carrots
6 Potatoes (From the sack)

First off in a fry pan you need to sauté the garlic, peppers and onions.
Slice and or dice your peppers, onion and garlic and add to skillet with 1 tsp of salt and pepper.

While it sautés cut up 1 1/2 pounds of stew meat into small chunks about an inch or so.
Then after the peppers and onions have sautéed for 10 minutes toss the beef into the fry pan
for about ten minutes and then turn to a low heat and cover. Let the beef cook for about 15 to
20 more minutes stirring at least twice.

While beef is cooking get out a large soup pot or oven and pour in soup. Add a little water
and and milk. Chop up 6 carrots in 1/2 inch chunks, quarter 6 potatoes and dice up
onions, one more pepper and combine all ingredients including your beef in the pot and
cover putting on low heat and let cook for half an hour.


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